Blue

Feeling a little blue...have been frantically checking my gmail for the past few days waiting for a reply...sighz....reply finally came. I got rejected.

I guess disappointment is inevitable. But now I'm stuck with only one choice....should I continue with this choice or not? I wake up every morning asking myself whether I should continue. I hate the fact that it takes up more than 12 hours of my life everyday, that its schedule clashes with my good friends' weddings in Nov, that I cannot do the things that I wanna do.

I do my Quiet Time every morning now...and I always pray for God's strength, wisdom and peace to be with me as I go through the day. I know my life is not tough..in fact I'm very blessed by God. But I'm just unhappy with the hectic lifestyle I'm going through now, and am ever wondering what is the next best step to take. Deep in my heart, I felt that the reply I had been waiting for would be the option out..but I guess I felt wrongly. I wonder why....have gone a big round on this...I had given up hope, but then hope came back to me, and now its taken away from me again. What is the point of giving me a glimpse of hope if the positive answer would never come? Why do I have to face issues the roundabout way?

But well, much as I'm tired and disappointed, and actually having my self-esteem cut by quite a bit...I know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him. I'm reminded of a old poem/quote that I loved when I was in secondary school:

Lord grant me senerity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and wisdom to know the difference.

Looking at issues from another perspective (big picture you know...cannot be a micromanager), this is not the end of the world and nothing to be too upset about. Actually the top concern in my life now is the many in my family who are unsaved..sighz. Pastor has been touching on Revelations and endtimes of late, and because of what I believe, it is scary what will happen to my loved ones when it happens. Whether it happens in my lifetime or not, I dunno (actually I hope it wun), but regardless, we can't run away from it. We can't decide when we will leave this earth, but we can decide where we want to be after this life. It is a simple truth that unfortunately many of my loved ones have not grasped. I've been 'preaching' hard to my hubby...but for those who know him...well...macham hitting brickwall all the time..I must go look for a sturdier hammer.

So this is my life. Feeling loads better after getting the above chunk off my head....well life goes on, isn't it.