Thots for 2009

(taken at Pulau Ubin on 1 Jan 09)

It has been a good 3 months since I've blogged. It is a luxury to be able to sit in front of my laptop to pen my thoughts. For some reason, I always have 'better' stuff to do than to sit down unhurriedly in front of my laptop. One mantra in my life is 'Time is precious'...I'd prefer to buzz around getting things done than relaxing and doing nothing. But I'm trying to change that.

When I am in front of my laptop, I'm usually checking emails or reading financial news - my brain feels abit empty when it isn't soaked with the latest financial news of the day. Otherwise, I'll be ironing clothes while watching TV. And in the recent past weeks, I've had friends over my place which means lotsa cleaning up and packing and preparing for these gatherings.

Today is one of those days on which I have finally decided to reward myself with a bit of blogging. Arghh, there's still ironing to do and an evening jog later, but well let me pen down some thoughts first.

Thoughts for 2009:

1) Thankfully in the midst of the mega financial crisis, I have found a job. There're still classes everyday, so I do not really feel like I'm doing actual work. But come March when training ends and I'll be an official working professional. I am still unsure of the actual work hours I'll be clocking, but I'll definitely try to work hard. I pray and hope that it'll be a conducive work environment. God had led me to this job - given that this function was not what I initially applied for and I wasn't sure I would clear the numerous rounds. But it happened and I'm hoping that I will be able to contribute & value-add in many ways to this organisation.

2) I have changed. There is a practical streak flowing in me now.
From the girl who loved screamingly loud colours like shocking pink and cheery orange, I've evolved to become a black-and-white person. I think I have been partly influenced by the basic colours in my home - there is only room for grey, black, white and a bit of red items. All other colours are strictly no-no. Recent updates to my wardrobe were generally black and white items - partly because they are easier to match, and also because these colours are more invisible to perspiration stains. And oh, skirts/pants should be black or dark coloured because light coloured bottoms get dirty easily. The shopperholic in me has been restraining from purchasing more footwear for work. I used to have at least 8 pairs of work shoes and these have dwindled to half the number. And all of them are covered-toes for that professional image.

3) I now prefer to simple things in life and I think it has to do with age. Regular visits to expensive restaurants are now reserved only for blue moon events. Nothing to do with tightening the purse strings though...its just that I have discovered my inner love for local food and the best local food are served at hawker centres and coffeeshops (just look for the longest queues), not posh nosh restaurants. But I will never tire of the Wagyu Beef at Shiro, the only beef steak that I enjoy from Mortons and the great dining experience at Ember. These will be the restaurants I pop into for the occasional indulgence.

4) I am postponing my dream purchase of a Mini-Cooper and staying loyal to my almost 4-year old Colt. COE prices are at a low, and there is a temptation to switch to my dream car. No other car will do. But the depreciation rates are disgustingly high and it makes no sense to purchase a new car when I am better off saving the money for investments.

5) I have started attending cell group - something I have postponed for years. I hope attending cell will help me grow closer to the Lord. I am still adjusting to the new church, but I know in time I will. I know that just as Lord had led me to my current job, He had also led me to this church.

6) Getting rid of the old pessimistic self and learning to realise that there is no point getting upset over events out of my control. I am consciously trying to be positive and making the best of my situation, especially when I'm treading on unfamiliar grounds. With a new workplace & a new church, I feel tired at times. But I know in time, all will work out well.

7) I have found a love for baking. And I can officially claim that I am a better baker & cook than my hubby =)

8) I still love shopping, watching movies, and continue to have an insatiable appetite for chocolate. But I am hoping to find time to do a bit of regular reading.

9) I am starting to experience the decrease in metabolism with age increases. Its not difficult to figure out the solution to the following equation:
Older Age + Lower Metabolism + Same Intake of Calories + Perennial Love for Anything Chocolate + Constant Inner Debate on How to Make Exercise More Enjoyable
This is why I have to go for that evening run later...not to mention the chocolate truffle cake I had yesterday and the yummilicious peannut butter cupcake the day before.

10) I hope to continue my interest in keyboard. With zero music background and more workload coming my way, I hope to continue attending keyboard classes and improving my keyboard skills. I play once in a while now..I'm not great, but at least I can sing and play simple rhythms.

Now that my thoughts have reached a perfect 10, I think it is an appropriate to end my first blog for 2009. I hope I will accomplish much and all that I wish for. Will definitely update in my first blog for 2010.

New Year's Day @ Pulau Ubin
Chinese New Year - Ladies Galore!

Learning the Secret Recipe from AhMa

Family Dinner @ Xiyan

Light at the End of the Tunnel?

I used to believe that as long as one puts in the effort, one will likely succeed. Even if success does not come along one's way, at least one knows one has put in one's best and should move on with no regrets.

By God's grace, things have turned slightly more positive, and it seems the light is just round the corner. After having hit many deadends, I think the struggle through the tunnel is coming to an end soon.

But it is not the result I had hoped for. I have fought hard, used my ammunition, tried knocking hard, but doors are not opening.

I will be treading a route that I had resisted. But my acceptance lies in my belief that God is in control. I am grateful that He has sent an angel to assist me. I have nothing to offer except nonsense, and still the angel helps me. And I really really appreciate it. I wondered if he was a Christian and yes, he is a kind-hearted soul who is also a brother-in-Christ. May God bless him richly, I have never felt so indebted to someone who went out of his way to help me and I actually feel bad about it. People who know me are aware that I never like to ask people for assistance if I could help it...I'd much rather solve it myself than to impose myself on others. But he has helped me without me asking, and I can only pray that God will bless him so abundantly and richly.

God knows what is best for me. I know that while I may resist and be unhappy with the decision, when I look back in future, I know all things work together for the good of those who love Him.

Job Interview

I have never felt so belittled from a job interview.

After the interview, I thought to myself how could people be so mean. After having gone through an interview that was distastefuly conducted, with interviewers interrupting me several times even before I could finish my explanations, I knew that I will not want to work with this group of people. And I am reminded that if I am ever an interviewer, I will never be so mean.

I can't really put my finger on how mean the interviewers were. Other than not exercising the courtesy to wait for me to finish my answer, the questions/comments were plain rude:

"Why are you asking this question? Wasn't HR supposed to tell you that before you applied for the job?"
"Were you a high flyer in your previous job?"
"You are wrong."
"Oh, if you are equally interested in both departments, then you are going to the other department, not this department."

I am just looking for a job, and I understand that they are out to find the most suitable candidate. But interviewing a candidate doesn't mean that you have to belittle the candidate. I hated the interview.

Now I am in a dilemma. Given my current job options, I thought this is the job I would gladly have taken up. But I probably botched the interview, not that I want it anyway. To work under people who seem to think so highly of themselves is not my cup of tea.

Even if they are really intelligent and smart, humility is one word they have to learn. And they have to remember that what counts are the treasures we build in heaven, not the number of candidates they belittled.

My key concern is that the same HR lady was present at both interviews, so while I performed decently with the other department, she would have seen how badly mauled I was at this other interview.

Given the 2 job options, this was the job option that would allow me to lead a more stable life. The other job just requires too much travelling.

I don't know why God allowed today's incident to happen. But I am just praying that He will guide me. He knows what type of job I want to do and thankfully, He is allowing me to have a taste of it. But it is just a temporary assignment which I have to leave soon..to face up to reality to try a job that I may not be interested in, but practical enough not to reject because I know that I need to start work, earn my keep so that I can start planning for other aspects of my life.

God's ways always prevail, but just when I feel that I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I find myself gropping in the dark again. I trust that God will guide, but I can't help feeling upset at how circumstances have turned against me unexpectedly.

5 Loaves and 2 Fishes

Fell in love with this song even before I finished listening to it the first time.

This song tells of a famous parable that I first heard when I was in Primary One. Even though I have heard this parable several times (given I am now many times older than my tender age of 7 years old in P1, heh), this song allowed me to view the parable from a different perspective and to understand that it takes courage to give something that I think is small and unworthy, not to be afraid that I would be laughed at, but to give and trust that something good will come out of it.

I hope this song will bless all of you who listen to it. It may take a while to load the song, but trust me, its worth the time.

I am sitting at Burger King now attempting to blog using my phone! As a tech laggard this is new to me. But i am definitely taking longer to key in my words. Good practise for my sms skills though :) Ok how do i start a new line,hmmz.

Ha i found out. Press '0' thrice to get an arrow sign and then hit '#'. Anyway trying to phone-blog is not supposed to be the main content of this entry. Now comes the (ahem) serious stuff.

Just went for a job interview today with a boutique fund management firm. After reading about the firm and hearing rave reviews about it,I was so excited and nervous about the interview. Will take it even if pay cut!

The interview was initially conducted by a lady and a young man, both very pleasant and nice. But they grilled me about banks, including areas I was unfamiliar with. The lady seemed very familiar with credit issues, and that was definitely not my forte. Stressed. But the male interviewer was very nice, kept nodding his head as if to agree and to encourage me as i was trying my best to 'sian' my answers.

Then the big boss arrived. He seemed like a very nice experienced man. I suddenly felt my stress level rising and the butterflies in my stomach were flittering like crazy. This is the boss! So with my nerves going crazy, i stumbled in my reply abit while trying to maintain a calm composure. Then I was asked a question and gave a reply. Then the boss asked me for another example and I just could not think of any. Sighz. Bad response. But the interviewers still seemed nice and the boss explained his answer to me. So daz.

Despite the glitches during the interview, I left the interview feeling quite positive but a bit disappointed that the firm had no vacancy at the moment.

But the more i think about it, maybe the interview didnt go as well as i thought. There were some questions I could not answer, but I really dunno mah. But I know I did my best and will just leave God to do the rest. Feeling a bit braindead from the grilling during the interview but it was a good experience.

Deep down I believe God has a job planned out for me somewhere. I just gotta keep searching, practising my interview skills, and the job will come in His time!

In the meantime, I am thinking of getting a WII set to while my time away :)

Tumble of Financial Titans

15 September 2008 will be a day that will go down in memory lane. After many months of having their share prices tossed around (mainly downwards) in the credit storm, some of the biggest names in the global financial sector are keeling under pressure.

3 big news today:
1) Lehman files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection
2) Merrill Lynch sold to Bank of America for US$50b
3) AIG turns to Fed for financing in the face of rating downgrades and to ward off a looming liquidity crisis

It is scary how events in the financial sector have unfolded. Now, 3 of the biggest names in the banking sector will only be history.

Bear Stearns was the first to go when it was bought over by JP Morgan in March this year for pittance - $2 per share, over 90% discount, you can't even get such bargains at GSS.

Now no one wants to buy Lehman. The US government has decided not to stand behind Lehman as it has just recently thrown its backing behind US mortgage giants, Fannie and Freddie, who must not fail at all costs. So Lehman is left to collapse in the cold.

AIG is an international insurer, and I dread to think what would happen if anything adverse should happen to the insurance group. The millions who have paid AIG for peace of mind (me including) are probably all feeling panicky now. But I surely hope that the US government will support AIG. It will be unfair if even insurance monies are subject to the same great deal of volatility we have seen in the capital markets.

It seems cash is king for now. Deposits placed with banks may turn to nothing when banks collapse, and the monthly insurance premiums we set aside as protection for our future is now facing the possibility of turning to dust.

I really really hope the financial storm will come to an end soon. We are already seeing a restructuring of the financial sector in general - big names disappearing and new giants emerging, soverign wealth funds taking stakes in some of the banks, banks segregating the more risky investment banking business from other businesses...what's next to come? I surely hope clear skies are on their way.

None Like You

I'm a bit hesistant about writing this, cos it may be a coincidence. But again it may not be.



Coincidence #1.

Was in church today when I heard a song that sent tears welling up my eyes the moment I saw the lyrics on the projector screen.

Backtrack a week ago, it was worship during church service and it seemed a song was placed in my heart - one of my favourite tunes of all time - "There is none like You". And for some reason, I really felt like singing the song and was wondering whether God placed the song in my heart for a reason, and wondered if it was a song we would sing during service. But it didn't happened, and I just told myself I was being oversensitive.

But this week, coincidence or not, this song was sung in church! I had forgotten those thoughts from last week, but when I heard the song, I was reminded how this song was popped into my head last week..and as I heard this song, I felt that God was telling me He listens, He always listens, even to small wishes like these, and He answers...in His own time.

Coincidence #2.

I'm a pretty hygenic person by nature, and always feel a bit awkward with the manner bread is passed during Holy Communion every week. Cos there is a bun that goes around and everyone pinches a bit of the bread from the plate. That is bordering on my hygiene limits a little, but I brush it off by telling myself that it is just a more convenient way of passing bread since this church observes Holy Communion every Sunday, and since my stomach can be quite sensitive at time, I would pinch off only a miniscule bit each time. And that was something I would accept if I decided to make this the church I were to grow in.

But surprise today...the church swapped the bread to pre-cut separate pieces of dough! I was pleasantly surprised. It seemed that God knew about my reservation and made the swap on exactly the same day when He decided the song in my heart should be sang in church. I felt He wanted me to know that He is real and He is really real.

How do I know He is real? I just know..but sometimes, I get doubts, but I want to cling on to reminders like these to remember. Honestly, I fear commitment to church, but I know I need to overcome this if I need to move to a closer relationship with Him. I have some fears, some doubts...but I also know above all, if He really is real as He has shown himself to be, then He is more important than anything because it is my relationship with Him that will count ultimately.

There are some things placed in my heart that I don't dare to utter, cos I'm not sure if its just my own thinking or God's thoughts. When I was much younger, I used to envy those who could hear God and I wondered why God never speaks to me? A bit jealous with His seemingly partiality...considering all I have been through (although it probably pales in comparison to trials others have faced)...but I've learnt all things happen for a reason, and its not for me to question, but to persevere and to make the best of my circumstances.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts andyour minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7