Loss

8 June 2007 saw the loss of someone very dear to my hubby. I still remember the phonecalls and smses we exchanged during the few hours:
"Ah ma is in hospital..lets visit her in the evening today"
"They are going to inject morphine"
"Doc wants family members to be there. I rushing down to hospital now"

In a short span of a few hours, a life has passed on before either my hubby or I arrived.

I am not exactly very close to my hubby's ah ma, but one thing I know is that she dotes on my hubby and always shows her love by repeatedly giving us huge bags of foodstuff to bring home whenever we visit her.

I'm actually speechless at this moment, as I try to pen this blog cos there are so many flashes of memory as I think of her:
- Her excitement and pride when Alvin & I first stepped home on our wedding day
- Her smiles as she unlocks her main gate whenever Alvin & I visit her
- Her little frown when Alvin replies not too enthusiatically whenever she asks Alvin when would he next visit her.

I guess a person may pass on, but the memories of the person stay in the heart forever.

I remember that after we left the hospital on 8 June, we drove past the Chicago Graduate School of Business. Furthering my studies has been on my mind for the past few months, but as we drove past the school, I suddenly realised how minute my scholastic aspirations were compared to the value of life on earth. All my aspirations, dreams for success have suddenly become insignificant when compared to the relationships and friendships I have.

I have experienced the death of family members 3 times in my life...and I do not like the feeling of losing someone and knowing its out of my control. But each time, it reminds how important it is to value the people around us, cos you never know when God would decide to pull the plug.

When I was back home from the hospital, I was confused and upset, and wrote the following:

Oh Lord I come before you today
And Lord I am not sure, not sure of what to say
I'm feeling a little lost
When things spin out of control
I don't know what to do

Father what happens
When one leaves this world
Oh Father will she, will she be with You

My mind is full of questions
About the whys and hows
And Lord I can't help but to wish that it was all untrue

O Lord help me to have faith in You
And let me know that You're in control
All things happen as part of your plan
Help me to keep praying
Even though I do not understand