8 weeks

Feeling more nauseous than usual, and the lethargy continues. No weight gain so far, and tummy is just a slight bulge.

Have finally recovered from the cold, and am still continuing with large (compared to the past) servings of fruits to strengthen my immunity. My refrigerator has never been so well-stocked up with fruits =P I am also hoping to resume some exercise because I feel so unhealthy without exercise.

Good news is this is the week from which my baby is officially a fetus!
http://www.babycenter.com.sg/stages/0108

A visit to the gynae on Sat confirmed it - I can see the head of my baby! Baby has grown to 1.66cm now:

Baby at 6 weeks

Baby at 8 weeks

Changes - 7th week

Caught a cold and sore throat over the weekend. My usual remedy would be to pop a clarinase, take my 'xiang4 sang1 ju1' and lotsa green tea, topped up with starfruit. But I suddenly realised these are no-nos when one is pregnant!

Pregnant ladies are supposed to avoid consuming medication and cooling stuff, right? So I have been loading on lotsa honey-lemon and fruits instead. For the first time in my life, I am relying on natural remedies to fight my ills.

It has been 4 days - my sore throat is kinda gone, but the cold is still lingering. Still praying for divine healing and I will feed on more antioxidant fruits later. Hopefully I will feel well enough for work tomorrow. Sighz, it doesn't help that office is freezing.

The other big changes are that I no longer slap on huge amounts of body moisturiser and I that have turned more product-organic. A friend of mine has advised that products containing paraben and phthalates are harmful. Found a website with similar information.
http://www.babyworld.co.uk/information/pregnancy/chemicals_in_pregnancy.asp

It is awful that many cosmetics products contain harmful ingredients, and while the less harmful ones may be seemingly better for health, they hurt the pocket with their exorbitant prices. I used to be an Olay fan and Total Effects cost me just over S$20. I've now switched to Dr Hauschka Rose Day Light Cream which cost me S$60. My daily facial regular regime (excluding the serums and masks) cost me at least S$150, whereas in the past I paid less than S$50.

For the sake of the little one in me, I am now using organic body wash, body oil, facial cleanser, toner, moisturiser, body deodorant. Unfortunately, I haven't found a good organic sunscreen, although I have switched to Clarins which apparently doesn't contain the 2 abovementioned chemicals. My eye cream, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, hand soap, lip balm remain un-organic...and I am trying not to care. As for my daily handcream, I'm still in transition stage i.e. trying to finish up my current unorganic one since the tube is finishing up anyway.

Personally, I think it is more important that items which stay on one's body should not contain harmful products.

But I also realised that even specialists may have different views. A friend of mine who is also pregnant mentioned to me that her gynae recommended her to use QV cream for her eczema. My hubby uses the exact same cream, so I checked the ingredients and it contains paraben! I warned her about it, but she is comfortable using it because it is recommended by her gynae. Her gynae told her to avoid lipstick though.

I think the ultimate aim for every pregnant lady is to do their best for their little one(s) to develop healthily and be given the opportunity to start life in the pink of health.

Caring for my little one has started even though my little one is still less than a centimetre long. Other than avoiding medication and using more organic products, I also make sure I eat proper meals, consumer more fruits and sleep earlier. Above all, I pray daily for my little one now - where grace used to be a quick prayer to thank God for the food and for the food to nourish me and myself, I now pray that the food I consume nourish my little one too. I am trying my best (the only thing beyond my control is my long work hours), and thankfully I know God knows.

Well, there is a long National Day weekend coming up, and my hubby is going for a trekking trip which I had to give up because of my current condition. So while I will be sadly home alone, I will also be able to get plenty of rest, and hopefully do some light reading. Am looking forward to the weekend already =)

God's Gift - 6th week

Babies are God's gifts. Some parents may disagree, especially in the midst of their baby wailing away and exhaustion from lack of sleep.

But I believe babies are God's gifts. A human life forming in the mother's womb - God sees to every detail of the baby's development.

I was always afraid of pregnancy - the weight gain and the labour pain, especially. And my sole reason for wanting children was purely for company during my older years.

But in the past year, my perception has changed somewhat. As I see my friends having children, I begin to realise the joy and purpose babies can bring to their parents. And I realised it may be not that easy to even conceive. And when I had the opportunity to hold a baby in my arms, I realised at that moment that I had the capacity to love a baby who was my own. So in my heart, I knew God was preparing me for a different lifestyle that will mean putting another life above my own. And I knew, that in His own perfect timing, God will bestow me with the gift of a little life that I will have to nurture and care for.

So a first pregnancy kit test on 13 Jul 09 showed negative results (actually there was a faint 2nd line, implying a possibly positive result - but I missed that out). But in my heart, I felt that the results were wrong. A visit to the GP on 16 Jul 09 confirmed I had minor gastritis, and the GP said I couldn't be pregnant despite my burping and feelings of nauseousness. I took one dosage of the medicine the GP gave me and stopped - because I was still unconvinced. My instincts were telling me otherwise, so I just wanted to play it safe.

Then on 23 Jul 09, I decided to try another pregnancy kit in order to allay my concerns. As I saw the 2 lines developing (positive results), I was stunned. My instincts had told me I was pregnant, but still I could not believe it. The initial shock lasted for a couple of minutes before a bit of ecstasy took over. There goes my Mt Kinabalu hiking trip during National Day, but hey, a life is forming within me! I then paid a visit to the GP (a different one of course), who confirmed the positive results.

And then today, my first visit to the gynae. I am officially about 6 weeks pregnant, and my little baby is just 0.46cm. And I could see the baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound machine - it was amazing! A little heart thumping away in me. This marks the start of a new journey for me. I don't know how the next 9 months will unfold - but I trust God to take care of my baby and I pray that my baby will grow and develop healthily. I will do my part to the best of my ability (eating well, trying to get lotsa rest where possible, and cutting down my exercises to walks).

I have never said this, but I have learnt that God has given me a gift - the gift of responsibility. It probably sounds a bit odd when the bible quotes about other gifts e.g. healing, prophesy, miracles, etc.. My gift is responsibility. I tend to naturally want to do everything to the best of my ability because I know I have the responsibility to perform every task well. And I am now given the responsibility to keep myself in the pink of health for my baby's sake, and in the future, I will be responsible for nurturing my little boy/girl into someone who fears and loves God.

God has His in own ways, matured and changed me so that I am willing to accept the responsibility and the gift He has bestowed me with. Indeed, He makes all things beautiful in His own time.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139: 13-16

Weekend of 18 Jul

A pretty busy weekend.

SATURDAY: Attended a delectable and sumptuous wedding champagne lunch buffet at Mezza9. One of the best wedding meals I've ever tasted. Ambience was livened up by a team of 3 musicians who went crooning table by table. Didn't bring a proper camera, so this is the best that my hubby's Nokia E33 could come up with:




After the feast, we treated ourselves to a free spa at Aramsa - won it from the local Woman's Weekly magazine. I loved the natural cum Balinese setting of the spa, but it was a pity that the actual massage was so-so. So I guess I won't be back there again. But I'm not complaining cos the spa was free!

SUNDAY:
Attended one-month birthday celebration for S&G's adorable little J - who is an exact replica of his dad. Btw, this is my first attempt carrying a newborn - I literally just sat there frozen, because I didn't know what else to do!



Holding the little one in my hand just made me think how precious, how dear this little one is. And I can just fathom how much more precious and beautiful he is to God who created him in his mother's womb. My best wishes to little J - may you grow up to be someone as wise and as God-fearing as the biblical character you are named after.

Random Thoughts

I have been too busy to blog. But on account of a dear friend who says she has been perpetually seeing my 80-year old lady blog on the top of my blog page, here is a new entry =)

In the past months of absence from this blog, certain events have happened which caused me to have the following thoughts:

1. Death of Michael Jackson
I deem him to be a music icon, someone who will go down in history and be remembered for his musical establishments as much as Elvis. But he will also not be forgotten for the many dark rumours surrounding his life, be it his unnatural inclination towards children, his numerous plastic surgeries, etc.

The first thought that flashed in my head when I saw the news on TV was: Oh man, he was rich but was he every happy? He did so many things to try to be happy, but was he really ever happy?

Then subsequent thoughts were: Life is short, treasure it. Work may ****, but that's not all of life. In summary, live life to the fullest everyday (if possible)..if not, maybe at least a couple of hours each day.

2. Death of a 5 year old boy
The boy is a colleague's friend's son, so I don't even know the direct kins of the little boy who has passed on.

But it is always saddening to hear of someone's bereavement, especially when he/she is only a young child. The child will definitely be greatly missed by his parents, and many years down the road, they will probably always wonder how their child will be like, what career he will choose if he were still alive. And sadly, this is a pain and loss that no time can heal.

My thoughts? Life is so unpredictable. I don't even know how long I will live. So I should really treasure my loved ones.

3. The Significance A Good Boss Makes To One's Worklife
I am a people person, and good work relationships are important to me. Having a good boss is great because you get to learn from him, be it technically, the way he thinks, and even the way he interacts with people. But if you get a lousy boss, you will start dragging your feet to work everyday.

But the bright side of having a bad boss is that you will dislike his behaviour to the extent that you will have them ingrained in your head such that it becomes unlikely that you will ever exhibit that behaviour because you realise that you do not want to be a pest to your future subordinates. In short, you learn what you should not be.

4. Life is Quite Hard
Pimples can just surface overnight, but they take weeks to disappear.

Frustrating because this is exactly what is happening to me. Age has a part to play too, the pimples are not receding fast enough. I stare in the mirror every morning and evening, and wonder when will I regain my previous pimple-free complexion. I am even contemplating of laying hands on my face and praying about it - but that will be a last resort.

I am still trying to figure out the cause of the sudden outburst of red. Sleeping too late? Too much stress from work? Exercising too much? Age? Using the wrong facial products?

But more than wanting to find out the cause, I am hoping that my body will cease this uncontrollable surge of youth spots. With age, I am supposed to get less pimples, so this random outburst is just a one-time off and it will recede into dormancy forever.

A 80 year old lady

I was at Ya Kun on Sunday afternnon. There was this really old lady - all hunched up and going from table to table trying to sell 4D tickets and tissue paper. Most people ignored her and I am usually part of that group - partly because I bought tissue from a little girl many years back and later found out from the papers that she was a con. I think such ingenuine cases do cause people to hold back from giving, because one can no longer discern the people who are in real need from those who are just out to fool kind-hearted souls.

But as that very old lady walked slowly from table to table, for the first time and despite all my reservations about swindlers, I was moved with sympathy. She was so old and she really looked like a genuine case. So I decided to purchase tissue paper from her and when she sat down for a momentary rest, I saw that she looked so tired and yet she had to continue approaching people because this was probably her only source of livelihood.

During my brief conversation with her, I learnt that she was 80 years old and she asked me if I wanted to purchase 4D tickets as well. I declined and she mentioned that she will have to absorb the costs of the 4D tickets if she was unable to sell them.

The old lady then made her way towards Pepper Lunch and was out pretty soon - no business. She went to try her luck at the neighbouring Long Johns Silver - but it seemed she had no luck as well. I felt really sad for her and bought a $2 4D ticket from her for $3.

I asked myself whether I should give her some money, but decided against it.

That brief encounter with the old lady was a reminder to me on my many blessings in life. It made me realise how lucky I am not having to worry about my daily meals. I pick and choose food and sometimes I grumble about the limited food options around my home..when others are struggling not to go hungry.

And I wonder how I can help them.

Many years ago, I had a dream. There was a box that could make any wish of mine come true. My cousin tried it and it worked. And as I held the box gingerly and fearfully, I was just about to make that most important wish in my life..when I work up. Sounds like a scene from a movie but that happened to me alright.

Other than that one wish, there are many wishes I will make - if only genie lamps exist. I'll love to have a photographic memory, talent in music, wisdom - and I realise how self-centred these wishes are. Very often, it is just about me, I, myself - when I am so blessed despite the hiccups in life.

While God has not made me the talent to be a Mensa member or a professional musician, He has given me a pair of hands which can help others. He did not give me what I wished for - simply because those items are not important. But He knows the amount of cheer willing hearts and willing hands can bring.

When we act according to God's will for us, I know there are good things in store. The more you give, the more you receive. And the more you help others, the more you realise how blessed and lucky you are. You begin to see things from a different perspective and life becomes more meaningful simply because we are not living just to please ourselves, but our lives can bring cheer to others.

God-willing, I hope to be that person He wants me to be.

A book called Time's Arrow

Just finished reading a book - Time's Arrow by Martin Amis, which tells the story, backwards, of the life of a Nazi war criminal.

A pretty thin book with only 173 pages, but an intense one by all accounts. The book is interesting because it is written in backward chronology. One cannot just read and gloss over the details like in any other story book. Because the book is written backwards, my brain keeps having to realign the sequence of events so that it makes sense - my brain having been so used to the natural order of things eg. new to worn out, young to old.

This reverse sequence of writing has some interesting elements, including making the bad seem good, and the good seem bad, and everything just seems to clash again the natural human intuition I'm so used to. Here are some excerpts:

"Eating is unattractive too. First I stack the clean plates in the dishwasher...until some fat bastard shows up in his jumpsuit and traumatizes them with his tools. So far so good: then you select a soiled dish, collect some scraps from the garbage, and settle down for a short wait. Various items get gulped up into my mouth, and after skillful massage with tongue and teeth I transfer them to the plate for additional sculpture with knife and fork and a spoon...Next you face the laborious business of cooling, of reassembly, of storage, before the return of these foodstuffs to the Superette, where, admittedly, I am promptly and generously reimbursed for my pains."

"I can't tell - and I need to know - whether Tod is kind. Or how unkind. he takes toys from children,on the street. He does...The toy..will be offered to him by the smiling child. Tod takes it. And backs away...the child's face turns blank..Both toy and smile are gone: he takes both toy and smile. Then he heads for the store, to cash it in. For what? A couple of bucks. Can you believe this guy? He'll take a candy from a baby, if there's fifty cents in it for him."

"Signs say No Littering - but who to? We wouldn't dream of it. Government does that, at night, with trucks; or uniformed men come sadly at morning with their trolleys, dispensing our rubbish, and shit for the dogs."

"'Uncle Pepi' has surpassed himself with his new laboratory...in this new lab of his he can knock together a human being out of the unlikeliest odds and ends. On his desk he had a box full of eyes. It was not uncommon to see him slipping out of his darkroom carrying a head partly wrapped in old newspaper...The next thing you knew...a fifteen-year-old Pole sliding off the table and rubbing his eyes and sauntering back to work..."

By far one of the most interesting books I have read. But doesn't score too high on entertainment value for me as the writing style is pretty serious, and the storyline is generally all grim and grey. I much prefer books with hope and optimism - and naturally, a happy ending.