The past few days seemed to pass by in a blur, yet so much has happened. I am physically exhausted, but I also feel emotionally recharged to be a better person. To be someone with a big heart - like my Dad.
During the past few days at my Dad's wake, I learnt more about him. I always knew my Dad had a generous heart, but I never thought much of it. But during his wake, I had the opportunity to hear anecdotes of how my Dad helped various people unselfishly. I feel proud of my Dad, but only if he could be around to share his stories personally with me. I wish I had made the effort to know him better. I wish I had spent more time with him. I wish I was there to spend his last days with him.
So many regrets. It is a hard lesson learnt. Never to take my loved ones for granted. I have been on leave for almost 11 months, but I spent so little of it with my dad even though he was ill. During this time, I visited my Dad less often than I would like to, conveniently hiding behind the excuses of taking care of my kids and physical exhaustion. Now I really regret it and I don't want to make this mistake again.
To me, the bright spark from my Dad's wake was how my relatives rallied around my family during this difficult and exhausting period. Aunties took charge of the admin stuff, uncles deprived themselves of sleep to do the night duties, cousins joined us for the rituals (even though they didn't have to), my maternal granny was present everyday from morning to night, and everyone contributed every bit they could from folding "gim zua" to clearing the tables. To everyone who contributed their time, took leave from work, and/or sacrificed their sleep for my dad's wake, a BIG thank you. I always thought of my extended family as a typical Chinese family, but now I realise how extraordinary my family is. My family members may never utter mushy words of concern, but their actions reflect their love. I never knew how blessed I was to be part of this family, but now I do.
Also thanks to everyone who took time from their busy schedule to attend the wake, friends who kept me in their prayers, and everyone who expressed their care and concern in one way or another. Friendship is an invaluable gift I treasure.
And to Pa, I miss you. I really wish you are at a better place - happy and healthy.
